thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
