I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
