Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
how drunk are you?
Several
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
