SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
