He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
