I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
