I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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