is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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