i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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