I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
