Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Shame is for Republicans.
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