Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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