Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
