remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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