He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The uberlube is also flammable
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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