She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
