I cockslap morals
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
