He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
