Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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