Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
