im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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