I wish I could teleport
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
