The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
