it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
