did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A+ Viking dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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