he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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