I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
