this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
