And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
