a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
