Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
