i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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