we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
