She is in my trunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
