I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
