the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
