My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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