2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
