Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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