Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
