Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
