In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
