my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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