just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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