college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
