You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
