the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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