I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
