So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
