So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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