hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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