The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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